i'm a crazy welsh person (who grew up and lives in switzerland)

Sunday, April 06, 2008

lots going on...

where to start?

volleyball first. i've quit both teams, although with the one ('my other swiss volleyball team') it's not definite. i am planning to take a break from volleyball now. it's not really a happy thought, i've been playing it for fifteen years now, i can hardly imagine life without it :-S but for the last few months, being on that court has been a nightmare for me. i haven't actually enjoyed a single match. sure, there have been some cool points where i couldn't help but be pleased, but overall, the main feeling on court has been 'please let me off this damn court', with the added though of 'what underwear am i wearing, can i just quit, strip off the kit and leave with my head held high?' mostly the answer was 'yes, but are you sure you want to do that? apart from anything else it would be seriously burning your bridges...' i managed to hold it together (just) and quit more civilly after the season ended ;-)

so hurray, what a relief! :-D

and i might even have found a replacement: fistball :-)

spent the afternoon at michi's (guy from church) flat with some friends. most of the time the topic was the music in church and the good old days when andi m. ruled the band with an iron fist. at some point i mentioned that my thursday evenings are now free cause i quit both my volleyball teams (hurrah!). it seemed a bit random when michi said 'so you trained on wednesdays?' huh, how does he know and why should he care...

he plays fistball on wednesdays and is recruiting... it sounds like it could be fun. quite like volleyball in many ways, but different. and his team doesn't actually play in a league, it's just training and random tournaments sometimes. but they train hard anyway. hurray, definitely trying that! and i've already got the knee pads ;-)

so that was the good result of the afternoon.

the bad one. hmm...

i played the piano again in church this morning. on the whole it was fun. some minor screw-ups (which resulted in me having to force myself not to thump at the keys during some soft songs *g*, but mostly fun. and most people complemented us on how wonderful it sounded. lots of praise for my playing. i now believe i play well enough not to be an impostor up there ;-)

but there are some who like to criticise any imperfection, not matter how minuscule. each and every one of them is someone who themselves plays or has at one time played in church. my dad's one of them. to my great shame i'm one of these people too. however, i always manage to praise the musicians rather than criticise them, because i recognise that the problem has nothing to do with their musical ability and performance, i couldn't do it better. the problem lies in my need to take every pianist apart and convince myself that i probably would have done it better this time. it's because i'm jealous they're up there and i'm not. i'm ashamed of myself and trying to work on it... as we played today 'i'm sorry Lord for the thing i've made it, when it's all about You'...

seriously though it was a total criticism-fest! i'll admit i agreed with some of the stuff cause some stuff seriously bugs me and makes it impossible for me to play properly. but they were going on about how great it was when andi m. was in charge and the days when they had auditions for places in the band. yes, auditions! can you imagine? it's church ffs!!! if you can't let everyone have a whack at it in church, where else?!!! and apart from that, was that a dig at me?! after i've just started believing i'm good enough? screw you... he claims it wasn't aimed at me, and a male friend told me a while ago, when a guy says something that could be an insult or it could just be missing filter between mouth and brain, it's generally the latter. but i'm a girl. i'm not convinced...

there was good stuff and bad stuff. michi thinks you should have band practice every week, build up a repertoire of songs you can do pretty much perfectly and work from there. i think that's a great idea and would totally commit an evening a week to it, if we did something like that. thursday is good now that volleyball's out ;-)

but somehow i don't think it's likely to happen. and seriously, this barrage of criticism has kind of depressed me. right now i don't want to play at all anymore if
that's the reaction... how horribly annoying! next time i play i'll be obsessing over it, i can see it coming already :-( buggrit.

it wasn't even that close to perfect as they think when andi did it anyway! they're just remembering the good, not the bad...

and anyway, professional isn't that attractive. this is church, ffs! it's not supposed to be smooth and slick, it's supposed to be from the heart! man i hate this!

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