I am NOT SWISS and I DON'T SOUND SWISS either!

played in church again yesterday. in spite of the fact that i've been down as playing on that date for about a month, i finally got the names of the songs on wednesday after a spate of emails going 'are you available to play the piano?'... just the names of the songs mind, and for four of the nine the books the music's in. except we've only got one of the two books listed. so the person in charge says she'll send me the rest of the music. by post...

i get a large envelope on friday containing five songs, including one of the two i already had, and a note saying 'sorry, i haven't got the music for the other two.' and she couldn't have told me this by email on wednesday when she promised to send the music? or on thursday when she got ready to send the music, noticed there were some missing, wrote a note about it and posted it to me? a little time bomb to brighten up my friday...

and what about the third missing song that she's just decided not to mention at all?!

i start stomping around, swearing about how i'm never playing with these people again... how come nobody ever understands that I NEED THE EFFING MUSIC IN ADVANCE IT MAY BE A COMPLETELY ALIEN CONCEPT TO YOU BUT I LIKE TO EFFING PRACTICE AND IF I DON'T HAVE THE BLOODY MUSIC UNTIL FRIDAY NIGHT I END UP DOING MY WRISTS IN! and i loose the will to ever play the piano again except for my own enjoyment when nobody else is around...

anyway, i phone the pastor's wife ruth in a panic, assuming that since she's the one who chose the songs, she's probably got some kind of music for them. luckily she also happens to be my brother's girlfriend's mum. so i had the full set of music when i got up saturday morning (or midday, whatever). finally! of course the songs i got last were the hardest to play, how could it have been any other way...

ruth didn't have the music for the last missing song. eventually i managed to calm myself down (i was fine on the phone to ruth, maybe a little frazzled, but since the whole music debacle wasn't her fault there was no reason to be angry at her and i'm pretty sure i was perfectly polite) and had a look through some of the books and found the song. luckily ruth had sung it to me over the phone, so i knew it was the right one. thing is, people are running out of good song titles, so sometimes you find you've learnt the wrong 'holy, holy' (seriously, there are about three songs in ONE BOOK that have that title!)

i think i've lost my train of thought. where was i?

anyway, all the feedback said the music sounded great (except for one moron who told me the piano was too quiet and i should play louder. he got growled at for trying to be funny while i was trying not to unleash a stream of neverending music-playing-hating abuse into the general atmosphere...) which is good. but i just felt... awful, angry, frustrated, depressed, did i mention angry?

at band practice i managed to explain that i NEED THE FLIPPING MUSIC AT THE LATEST ON WEDNESDAY AND THAT'S ONLY CAUSE I CAN TELL YOU OBVIOUSLY CAN'T SURVIVE BY YOUR WITS ALONE ...oops the subject makes me angry and i've been reading dilbert books... i meant it's obviously too much to ask for a full week, so i'll compromise by allowing for wednesday (even when they promise a full week i get it on tuesday if i'm lucky). i managed to say it calmly and hopefully non-confrontationally. but i was too stressed over it to use the usual diplomatic 'it's my problem not yours, but could you please help me with it?' tactic. cause in this case i really don't see why it's too much to ask. how come i'm the only one practicing anyway?! to me, not to practice would be disrespectful. but i guess they don't see it that way.

anyway, i managed to tell them in a mostly positive way, so hopefully they'll remember and be aware of my need for timely provision of the music, for the time being...

since i'm playing again this sunday coming, but with a different group of people, i thought it might be best to give advance warning rather than turn round afterwards and say 'the music is late, i'm not playing!' cause none of them was in church yesterday i had to send an email. i hate sending emails about stuff like this. it's much harder to tell whether it's coming across properly or not. i hope they don't take it the wrong way...

urgh, life is difficult sometimes. especially when you have a temper like mine and are supposed to be all loving and christian... you know, during the 'worship' (that's what the singing-songs part of the service is called) the band members are meant to be chanelling the holy spirit so that the congregation will be touched, according to the band leaders. while this is a worthy thought, the only spirit i tend to chanel is definitely not holy... i have to count it as a success when i manage to restrain myself from thumping the keys angrily during mellow songs after some new screw up... (so far i've always succeeded, but it's been a close thing every time)

Labels: churchy stuff, life, music, rant, temper

it's fun. and it has one huge advantage over volleyball: my knees aren't even aware i went to training tonight. i didn't realise until i had to walk up the steps at the station on the way home, but my knees feel completely fine and that is not normal for wednesday nights...

i didn't get much of a sweat going though, as there wasn't much any training, it was all playing. and because i wasn't particularly confident, i didn't chase every ball that might have been mine but let the more experienced players take it, so i didn't move as much as some of the others. but in time that should change. :-)

my left arm got rather cold though as the hall wasn't heated and the weather is back to being a bit chilly. i was going easy on my left wrist (i'd have used it less anyway, as the normal, right-handed person that i am *g*) cause i overdid it last weekend practising for playing in church. i wasn't supposed to be playing, but the guy who was backed out very late. so i started practising friday night, i didn't even know half the songs, and of the ones i did know i'd only ever had a go at one of them once for fun...

i told myself no-one could complain if i didn't play them as well as possible, given the short notice. and no-one would care. i knew this. except that there was one single person who would have cared if i hadn't given my all: me. so i ended up getting one of those infection thingies in my wrist (sorry, i only know the german name: sehnenscheidenentzündung) from going from playing the piano for an hour or two a month or an hour per day if i'm playing in church on sunday to four and a half hours of serious band practise one saturday morning... bad, bad idea. (and if i'd realised it would be that long, i'd have had breakfast first...)

anyway, after putting cream on it and bandaging it up to keep myself from using it too much, my wrist feels mostly better. mostly. and now my right hand hurts too from the fistball. my little finger feels seriously bruised and i can't work out how that could have happened. i hope it's not broken...

and i'm playing again this sunday. and the week after. hmmm...

ah well, same old same old, my hands hurt and my shoulders hurt (but that's just from habit and cause they've needed a serious massage for years now, but i'm too ticklish to let anyone near them). but my knees don't! hurrah! success :-)

Labels: fistball, i'm special, music, volleyball

where to start?

volleyball first. i've quit both teams, although with the one ('my other swiss volleyball team') it's not definite. i am planning to take a break from volleyball now. it's not really a happy thought, i've been playing it for fifteen years now, i can hardly imagine life without it :-S but for the last few months, being on that court has been a nightmare for me. i haven't actually enjoyed a single match. sure, there have been some cool points where i couldn't help but be pleased, but overall, the main feeling on court has been 'please let me off this damn court', with the added though of 'what underwear am i wearing, can i just quit, strip off the kit and leave with my head held high?' mostly the answer was 'yes, but are you sure you want to do that? apart from anything else it would be seriously burning your bridges...' i managed to hold it together (just) and quit more civilly after the season ended ;-)

so hurray, what a relief! :-D

and i might even have found a replacement: fistball :-)

spent the afternoon at michi's (guy from church) flat with some friends. most of the time the topic was the music in church and the good old days when andi m. ruled the band with an iron fist. at some point i mentioned that my thursday evenings are now free cause i quit both my volleyball teams (hurrah!). it seemed a bit random when michi said 'so you trained on wednesdays?' huh, how does he know and why should he care...

he plays fistball on wednesdays and is recruiting... it sounds like it could be fun. quite like volleyball in many ways, but different. and his team doesn't actually play in a league, it's just training and random tournaments sometimes. but they train hard anyway. hurray, definitely trying that! and i've already got the knee pads ;-)

so that was the good result of the afternoon.

the bad one. hmm...

i played the piano again in church this morning. on the whole it was fun. some minor screw-ups (which resulted in me having to force myself not to thump at the keys during some soft songs *g*, but mostly fun. and most people complemented us on how wonderful it sounded. lots of praise for my playing. i now believe i play well enough not to be an impostor up there ;-)

but there are some who like to criticise any imperfection, not matter how minuscule. each and every one of them is someone who themselves plays or has at one time played in church. my dad's one of them. to my great shame i'm one of these people too. however, i always manage to praise the musicians rather than criticise them, because i recognise that the problem has nothing to do with their musical ability and performance, i couldn't do it better. the problem lies in my need to take every pianist apart and convince myself that i probably would have done it better this time. it's because i'm jealous they're up there and i'm not. i'm ashamed of myself and trying to work on it... as we played today 'i'm sorry Lord for the thing i've made it, when it's all about You'...

seriously though it was a total criticism-fest! i'll admit i agreed with some of the stuff cause some stuff seriously bugs me and makes it impossible for me to play properly. but they were going on about how great it was when andi m. was in charge and the days when they had auditions for places in the band. yes, auditions! can you imagine? it's church ffs!!! if you can't let everyone have a whack at it in church, where else?!!! and apart from that, was that a dig at me?! after i've just started believing i'm good enough? screw you... he claims it wasn't aimed at me, and a male friend told me a while ago, when a guy says something that could be an insult or it could just be missing filter between mouth and brain, it's generally the latter. but i'm a girl. i'm not convinced...

there was good stuff and bad stuff. michi thinks you should have band practice every week, build up a repertoire of songs you can do pretty much perfectly and work from there. i think that's a great idea and would totally commit an evening a week to it, if we did something like that. thursday is good now that volleyball's out ;-)

but somehow i don't think it's likely to happen. and seriously, this barrage of criticism has kind of depressed me. right now i don't want to play at all anymore if
that's the reaction... how horribly annoying! next time i play i'll be obsessing over it, i can see it coming already :-( buggrit.

it wasn't even that close to perfect as they think when andi did it anyway! they're just remembering the good, not the bad...

and anyway, professional isn't that attractive. this is church, ffs! it's not supposed to be smooth and slick, it's supposed to be from the heart! man i hate this!

Labels: churchy stuff, fistball, guys, music, volleyball

i'm a moron, there's no doubt about it! after having a temporary lapse of insanity and actually getting some work done, i have now spent all night at the computer playing games and listening to music on youtube... because i sleep too much anyway? you complete idiot vicky!

anyway, to horrify and offend anyone reading, here's the list of the music i listened to:

• started with mary chapin carpenter, i usually do :-)
  
  
• then some leona lewis
  
  
• music from the disney film hercules
  
  
• while i was at it, some more disney: mulan
  
  
• then some kenny rogers
  
  
• a load of a-ha to finish it off

i think that about covers my crimes last night ;-)

Labels: i'm special, music

the night before last i had a nightmare. i go to church sunday morning and get pressganged into playing the keyboard with no warning whatsoever and no opportunity to practice at all. looking through the music before the service starts, i see that the first two songs should be ok, they're songs i've played before, so i'll manage more or less ok. but the next two are songs i've never even heard before! short moment of freaking out before i decide that aince i've got the guitar chords and everyone else'll know the song, i can follow their lead with regard to timing and whatever and muddle through somehow.

but when the time actually comes, the person who chose the songs stands up on stage and says 'i heard these next two songs were really nice, so i thought we'd try singing them today :-)' meaning absolutely no one has a clue what they're supposed to sound like and i'm supposed to do an intro... after spending a few moments trying to calm down and just get on with it i work out that the person (it's my mum, but don't tell her, i edited this part when i told her about it) has done it on purpose, just to be nasty or something, not quite sure. i lose my temper, shove over the keyboard (mum's really good, really expensive keyboard) and leg it. the dream carries on, with me on the run all round zurich... *shudders*

yesterday morning (real life sunday morning), no, actually lunch time. we had lunch at church with everyone. after lunch for some reason we ended up on the subject of dreams. so of course i told them about the dream i'd had about church the night before. lili thought maybe i'd been thinking of joining the band and that that was why i'd dreamt it (i told them the edited version too). but i definitely hadn't, don't know why i dreamt such weird stuff.

but ten or fifteen minutes after i'd told them about the dream, the pastor comes up to me and says 'vicky your mum said i should ask you about playing next week, we're really short of people.' lili who's standing next to me just falls about laughing. how weird is that?!

so now i'm playing next sunday. how scary! it'd be scary anyway, the usual pianists are professionals and i'm nowhere near their level! but right after that nightmare... so bizarre, i never usually dream about playing in bethel. lili suggested it might have been a warning ;-) if so. i've ignored it. what's the worst thing that can happen in real life...

now i just have to decide whether to have the lid of the grand piano open or closed: if it's open i'm less visible behind it, but on the other hand it's louder, so they'll be able to hear my amateurish playing better... i think probably closed and play quietly ;-)

Labels: bizarre, churchy stuff, music