i'm a crazy welsh person (who grew up and lives in switzerland)

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

annoying BA

i've managed to book a new flight, but it's from heathrow. meh. now i have to catch a coach there. and i still can't take my guitar. unless i buy a hard case, cause it has to be checked in, and pay £42 for excess baggage (and that's only if i book it online, it's £60 if i pay for it at the airport...)


Monday, February 26, 2007

i hate BA!!!

stupid british airways have just cancelled my flight!!! waaahhhhh!!!

so i can rebook it or cancel it for free, but when i go to rebook it, it sneakily pretends it's the same flight (same number and all), just one small detail it forgets to mention: it's a completely different day!!! doesn't mention this until it tries to make me confirm it, at which point it prints the date in really small font, while going 'click here quickly, then you can't change your booking or cancel it without having to pay us obscene amounts of money, muahahaha!'

am tempted to take the refund and take a train home, only the train'll probably be quite expensive this close to the date and the flight was dirt cheap cause i booked it months ago, and i seem to be too thick to find where to sort out trains to the continent... :-S i'll have to ask malik, we were chatting about it coming in to work today from parkway, he seems to have a clue about such things :-)

if i took the train i'd be able to bring as much stuff as i can carry (including my guitar) :-D

stupid BA, hate organising stuff!


Friday, February 23, 2007

not the welsh for once...

An old Scotsman is sitting with a younger Scottish gentleman and says to the boy, "Ah, lad, look out that window. You see that stone wall there? I built it with me own bare hands, placed every stone meself. But do they call me MacGregor the wall builder? No!"

He takes a few sips of his beer then says, "Aye, and look out on that lake and eye that beautiful pier. I built it meself, laid every board and hammered each nail, but do they call me MacGregor the pier builder? No!"

He continues: "And lad, you see that road? That too I build with me own bare hands. Laid every inch of pavement meself, but do they call MacGregor the road builder? No!"

Again he returns to his beer for a few sips, and then says, "Agh, but you screw one sheep..."

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marion's letter of introduction

i had the interview for my NI number today, so i got marion to write me a letter confirming that i'm living with them. she was really tempted to write all her letters after her name (she's a doctor, she's got letters) cause she's never got to write them all. she managed to resist the temptation. what she did was to write a second version of the letter (which i then promptly produced at the interview, but they didn't want it anyway after all that (it was probably the handwriting that scared them off, she is a doctor...)).

this is what i see when i look at it (most of it might in fact be spelt correctly, it's impossible to tell... but address is really spelt wrong: she spelt it right in the first letter and the first time in this one but she thought it looked wrong so she spelt it with only one d the second time)

To Lhon it May Concern,

This is to confrin hat Vistona Lily hoode han been resident at our hmble adbode (address an atone [as above]) sine 2/9/2006. Howeve, she is prone to absensing & returnig to hel bed in the early hovs f the mounig & nsking life & linb hy wandering the slveets f Bnstl vihar rhyme ar rewan [without rhyme or reason]. i beliene thin t be her aly adress despit this ablorrent charater flar.

Yous in platitrdes,

i hope i got the letters right. not sure about that last group cause it's a bit squished, she ran out of room :-D


Monday, February 19, 2007

unix help

a most helpful definition i just found in the man-page (manual..) for regular expressions (REs):

2.1 A one-character RE is a RE that matches whatever the one-character RE matches.

oh, now i understand it...


Saturday, February 17, 2007

new watch

hurray, i've got a new watch!! :-) lost my old one (had it for a couple of years) and my wrist was feeling very naked without one. i went to the mall thursday evening to get a cheap one in m&s but they were all revolting. saw some nice ones in a shop, but they weren't really cheap so i decided i needed to think about. went back friday night after insisting on only drinking coke at the pub (to everybody's great horror, they are now convinced my priorities are badly screwed up). couldn't decide again which was very gutting after i'd not drank anything and left early...

went into town again today to get plectrums (turns ot the shop had the right ones all along, i'm just a moron...) and thought i'd have a look in debenhams. hurray, i really like my watch :-D
my watch
that's not actually a very good picture, the face is a much nicer green :-)


Thursday, February 15, 2007

cat jokes

Cat Physics

A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.

A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.

All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.

Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.

A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.

All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat.

A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.

A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.

Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.

No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.

A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do something.

Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.

Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.

If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.

Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.

A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.

All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.

A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.

A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.

A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.

A cat will always land in the softest place possible.

A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed.

A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.

Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.

A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.

Excerpts from a cat's diary

DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that sustains me is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their chair... must try this on their bed.

DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan.

DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called shampoo. What sick minds could invent such a liquid? My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odour of the glass tubes they call beer. More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of allergies. Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait; it is only a matter of time...

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Sunday, February 11, 2007

finally cleaned my shoes!!!

it's been a good afternoon. i've done two loads of washing, so i won't be tempted to go and buy new clothes just cause i've run out of clean stuff. and i've finally got round to having a go at my brand new trainers that i've only worn the once for jenny's do. they looked like the stains on the pink stripes were set for good and i'd already resigned myself to just scraping the mud off the rest and having to live with brownish stripes. but i accidentally scraped it with my nail and found it comes off! hurray!!! so my shoes are almost as good as new! except for the fact that they'll have to live on the radiator for a while now after being drowned in the sink ;-)

thursday, friday and saturday

went out for a curry with a group from infineon on thursday night. somehow we ended up going to three different pubs before we even got to the restaurant :-S once again my coke kept getting spiked with vodka. it's quite scary, i don't want the vodka, but once it's sitting in front of me it's mine, and beware anybody who wants to take it away from me... ah well.

paul has now renamed stuart to studart (from student-stuart to student-art to studart). of course then we wondered about a certain stupart... i wonder how we can shorten security-guard-stuart

in the third pub the guys found an interesting dispenser in the loos. of course i didn't notice whether there was one in the ladies'. i was too busy trying to work the cubicle door: it opened both ways so you had to aim it very carefully to get the bolt to slide home. managed it eventually and then the toilet seat kept trying to throw me off! no i wasn't pissed!!! i really wasn't!!! bah! anyway, the guys decided that's what they're going to do as a leaving present for me: a blow-up male sheep. i.e. a female sheep with a £5 vibrator attached... and then the question was who'd present it... i think i might just not appear on my last day ;-) or i'll do a richard p but just stay in the loo :-D

the curry was very nice, although i wish it had been either a tiny bit less hot or a tiny bit hotter: i spent the whole time feeling like i was about to sneeze but never actually sneezing...

after dinner dia and paul were quite tipsy. when paul put his coat on he knocked a pepper shaker onto the floor. it was quite funny to see him try to work out where it had come from. dia declared loudly 'don't sneeze, it's the pepper!' :-D

we did mean to go clubbing after dinner, but first we went to zero degrees. yuck, mango beer is not nice! (ok, not really surprising...) dia and paul danced, not paul's usual dance, more of a ballet kind of dance. very entertaining, i filmed it :-D lee wants me to put it on youTube (don't worry i wouldn't). leaving zero degrees we couldn't agree on where to go next and split up. we were supposed to be heading for oceana (not a clue how it's spelt), but it was taking us such a long time and then suddenly we were taking a detour to another pub that i gave up hope and went home (dave made sure i got into a taxi, very kind of him (although i wasn't actually drunk at all...)). as it turned out stuart and james did eventually make it to a club. ah well...

friday night was the (volleyball) team night in at claire's. cause she lives in bradley stoke, just round the corner from work i walked. was originally a bit worried about trying to find it after a couple of pints at the beaufort but as it turned out no-one went to the pub (a lot of hangovers from thursday...). so i went straight from work and i found it fine thanks to all the lunchtime wanders. was a bit worried for a while that i was the only one, but eventually anna and then mahile turned up.

it was a really good evening, we just chatted until midnight :-) nothing more to say about it really since i don't want to post any of the conversation online...

so, saturday. we went out for another curry. this one was for paul's (the polyp paul) birthday. he invited a group of people from church, good fun. one guy (won't mention names ;-)) was still quite giggly from friday night. he'd been on a two-for-one-cocktail crawl of whiteladies road trying to use up all the vouchers in this stack of voucher booklets. sounds like it was good fun :-D

i was tempted to go for the vindaloo but i was too cowardly. so i had some dish that was marked as 'quite hot' (rather than 'very hot'). when i got it i was surprised to see that it was full of green beans. i decided to eat them first, so i speared two of them and started chewing... another example of my utter morondom... the moment i swallowed them the hiccups started. the others nearly wet themselves laughing at me. on closer inspection the beans looked nothing like beans of course. how could i have confused chilis for beans? the curry was called chili garlic something come to think of it... oopsy!

afterwards the polyp came back with us and we watched the first episode of the sopranos. we couldn't watch battlestar galactica or smallville cause marion's in london on some doctory course. it was quite funny. but i'd still rather have seen battlestar galactica. i hope marion gets home at a sensible time tonight and i hope she'll have recovered from last night (don't ask) so we can watch an episode or two :-)

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Friday, February 09, 2007

some jokes to kick off the weekend

God is Missing!

A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved.

The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, but asked to see them individually. So the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.

The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?”

They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed. So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God!!?" Again the boy made no attempt to answer. So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?"

The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"

The youngest brother gasped for breath and replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time dude. God is missing and they think WE did it!"

God Loves Blondes

A blonde finds herself in serious trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in dire financial straits. She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray..."God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the Lotto."

Lotto night comes, and somebody else wins it. She again prays..."God, please let me win the Lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."

Lotto night comes and she still has no luck. Once again, she prays..."My God, why have You forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask You for help, and I have always been a good servant to You. PLEASE let me win the Lotto just this one time so I can get my life back in order."

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open. The blonde is overwhelmed by the Voice of God Himself..."Sweetheart, work with Me on this... Buy a ticket"

Elderly Drivers

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car. Both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light."

After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red again and again they went right though. This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on.

At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through and she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row! You could have killed us!"

Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, am I driving?"

Heehee :-D

(I'm aware that these are all old jokes, but they're new to me, so there!)

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Tuesday, February 06, 2007

hurray, linkin park!!!

somehow i feel i should blog again, since my last post was friday (i.e. before the weekend) and it was a rather rubbish one (i really hate dog owners who just leave dog poo lying all over the place!!!) but i can't be bothered to actually write anything. i've got all this stuff in my head that i'd like to say, i just can't be bothered to type it...

had a very volleyball filled weekend. was good. lost one game saturday, the other team didn't turn up so we won forfait :-) lost to yeovil on sunday (didn't really have to lose that one) but wiped the floor with plymouth 2 (except that we let them win the one set). hurt my shoulder on saturday, didn't realise till i suddenly couldn't serve overarm on sunday. the first time in years and years that i've served underarm for a whole set let alone a whole game! i really need to practice that a bit more, just in case. it was fine to start with, but then i got cocky and my serves started going out the sides... ah well, at least i managed to miss the bar that was a couple of meters below the ceiling right over the net. yeovil kept hitting it (they should be used to it!) and jenny got it once as well ;-) (this was me not bothering to write everything i wanted to say. i talk too much...)

my left index finger has got what seems to be a permanent indentation in the tip from all this guitar practice (last night i played the guitar for almost two hours. that's including the lesson of course). it's made me grin every time i looked at it today. being easily entertained is a good thing! you wouldn't want to be too discerning :-)

paul (h) has lent me his linkin park cds. hurrah!!! i stupidly left mine in switzerland and in spite of all this great new music i've been introduced to (james, muse, kaiser chiefs, franz ferdinand, my chemical romance, and many more (and yes, i know they're not actually new, they're just new to me)) i've been missing linkin park like mad. for some reason their music really de-stresses me :-D and now i've got it on my ipod :-D that's what i've been doing right now, it's taken a while which is why this 'i can't be bothered, it'll be a short one' post has turned into another of my epics...


Friday, February 02, 2007

more crap!!!

it's happened again! i should stop going out at lunch time! argh!!!

at least this time i noticed straight away and managed to wipe most of it off on the grass. so now it doesn't smell as bad as last time. it does smell though :-( did it have to happen on a friday? i'll stink out the pub! and i've got a meeting in a minute :-|