i'm a crazy welsh person (who grew up and lives in switzerland)

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

hilarious stupidity

answers to history exams

surely those can't be real answers? the thickness!!! but then again, who could come up with this stuff on purpose ;-)

in a highschool physics test one of the questions was something like 'a power line runs from east to west (or some such, can't remember). where in switzerland will it's magnetic field be parallel to the earth's magnetic field (again or some such)?' my friend's exam came back with a large circle round the diagram she'd drawn, an arrow to the word switzerland which had been underlined a couple of times. it was quite an impressive diagram. her conclusion was 'at the equator'... umm, switzerland happens to be in europe, no equator there... :-D

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last week with children from hell

thursday night marion and dave went off to their swimming lesson, leaving me to babysit three little sleeping angels... er, no! caleb was sleeping, but tom and josh were wide awake, making me wish i were asleep having a nightmare so that i could just wake up from it!

first load of thumping
me: i heard thumping. what's going on?!
tom (in a very indignant voice): nothing! it's not us. it must have been in the kitchen
me: nope, it was definitely not downstairs. i think it was you
i stand there glaring at him for a while
tom (whiny, 'it wasn't me'): josh's in my bed
me (thinking why me?!): umm, what's he doing there???
tom: oh no, i was wrong, he's not in my bed
me: ok. so what's that lump at the end of your bed then?
tom: it's my teddy bear
i wander down to the end of the bed and tickle josh so he starts wriggling
me: your teddy bear moved! that's not normal teddy behaviour!
tom: i did it, it was my legs, wiggles his legs see, i did it again
i'm still tickling josh until he kind of sneezes/snorts/laughs
me: it snorted! surely teddy bears don't snort!
tom: it was me! makes a similar kind of noise see, me! i did it again!
so i carry on tickling until josh can't take it any more and comes out from under the covers

so i put josh back to bed and go back downstairs to my film (can't remember what it was). of course there's more thumping. but when i go back upstairs i can't find any incriminating evidence and of course they're back to pretending they're innocent, this time tom claims the neighbours must be making the noise.

the third time i go up i find josh has made a den in his bed by hanging up his welsh flag. we agree that since he's finished building his den he can now go to sleep in it and we'll forget about the whole thing.

but of course once again there's thumping. quite a few loud thumps this time. tom claims it was books falling out of his bed ??? why are books falling out of his bed??? but to tom this is a perfectly reasonable claim, when i question it he starts to get aggressive. gah! annoying brats!

in the end i just turned up the volume on the film and ignored all further thumping. brats!!! only good thing was that caleb slept through the whole kerfuffle.

second mare:
marion and dave went to church sunday evening after i stupidly offered to babysit so they could both go (you'd think i'd know better!). the kids were such (SUCH!!!) monsters!!!

started out, tom was in marion and dave's bed reading, josh was in tom's bed reading (there's a kind of cover on it so the light should have disturbed caleb less), and caleb was in his cot. first there was a load of thumping. both times i went up joshy had got out of bed to give caleb back his dummy.

the third time it was time for tom and josh to put the lights out, but caleb was hopping up and down in his cot, just generally being naughty. so i put josh in the playroom and made tom stay upstairs, which they both accepted, i was very grateful.

but then there were more noises: josh had crept upstairs into bed with tom. i said they could both stay if they promised to behave, so they promised. of course it didn't work... when i then asked who was going to sleep downstairs they both pointed to tom, so off we went to put him to bed in the playroom.

at this point i decided to just pretend to go back downstairs, made some thumping noises and then waited on the stairs. quite quickly i heard tom's bed squeak as he got out and then the loft floor started creaking and josh knocked something over... cause tom always pretends he was going to the loo i thought i'd let him get far enough that he couldn't pretend before i told him off. by this point i was furious though: marion and dave had been gone for 90minutes and i was only half an hour into the film!!! it sounded like josh had found a load of coins and kept dropping them on his way to the stairs :-S odd child...

josh seemed to have stopped at the top of the stairs and was playing with the coins when tom finally crept out of the room (proper creeping, all hunched up...). he was obviously about to head into their bedroom when he spotted me, straightened up, said 'i'm going to the toilet!' in a very defensive tone and marched off to the toilet. at which point i decided i'd had more than enough: i shouted up to josh to get back in bed right now or he'd be very, VERY sorry. 'oh, ok' goes josh... ;-)

when tom rushed out of the loo and back into the playroom i warned them: 'if i have to come back up here one more time, i WILL start yelling! and tom, i know you can yell loudly (oh, and how he loves to do so the spoilt brat), but i can yell sooooo much louder!!!' and went back downstairs.

five minutes later i can hear someone shouting for me! 'WHAT?' i realised it was caleb so i went in but he was snuggling into the covers, wouldn't answer me, so i went out again. at which point of course he goes 'water! water!' so i had to find a cup, filled it with water, with him yelling more insistantly by the second. get back and he refuses to drink it! then he points to the floor by the cot and goes 'water'... he was just confessing to having tipped his water... so i had to try and convince him that it was fine, that the water would dry...

of course every time i'd checked on caleb i'd had to check whether he'd taken off his nappy and weed in the cot (or through the bars) cause that's his favourite trick nowadays. luckily he didn't do it last night, i would have freaked!

well, after that i turned up the volume again and ignored them. that worked, by the time marion and dave got home they were all fast asleep. except josh was back in tom's bed :-S (tom was still in the playroom). musical beds!!! that'll teach me to offer to do extra babysitting!! monsters!!!

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Tuesday, January 30, 2007

me strange...

sometimes i do wonder about myself. looking back on this morning i just have to wonder wtf was i thinking?! not thinking obviously, i was clearly still asleep, but still!!!

my alarm kind of woke me, but it didn't really penetrate my conscious mind until it had grown quite loud. once i'd worked out that it was my alarm(/mobile phone) i started frantically looking for it on my bedside table. eventually i remembered that it was charging by the foot of the bed. at this point it was quite loud, especially for 6.30am with caleb in the next room, so i threw myself down the bed and randomly pushed at the phone till it shut up. deciding i definitely hadn't slept enough yet, i reset the alarm for 7am and went back to sleep.

now this is the weird bit, i haven't got a clue why on earth i did it :-S well, somehow i suddely had a bottle of body lotion in my hand (that reminds me, i should move it. clearly the bedside table is not the place to keep it...). being asleep, obviously i didn't read the label, so i must have thought it was something else (what exactly, i don't know!!!). sooo... i picked it up, held it behind my head and squeezed. since it wasn't at all what i was expecting the shock woke me up! urgh, imagine waking up to cold gooey cream in your hair, your top and running down your neck... so i spent about ten minutes getting it off and rubbing it on my arms before checking the time and going back to sleep...

obiously i should never leave a gun on my bedside table, not just cause i might do what this guy did, the phone wouldn't even need to ring...


joke of the day

A young man was strolling down a street. As he passed a large building with a fence around it, he heard a group of people chanting "Thirteen, thirteen, thirteen" over and over again.

Curious, he tried to see over the fence, but couldn't. Then he spotted a hole in the wood.

He put his eye to the hole. He just managed to spy some old people sitting in deckchairs chanting, before a finger came out of nowhere and poked him in the eye. As he staggered back, the old people started chanting, "Fourteen, fourteen, fourteen..."

hehe, funny!

(source: www.jokesplace.com)

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Thursday, January 25, 2007

nasty tree, nasty seagull

monday night i was walking to the station after work and a tree took exception to something and threw its branch at me! so this branch comes out of nowhere (falling from the sky) and hits me in the face! what an extraordinarily nasty tree! i was just walking by peacefully!

then this morning i was walking through westbury village to the bus stop when a small white stain appeared on the pavement right in front of me. it was very small so i leaped forwards thinking the culprit was about to loose the whole load, but that was it. hah! it missed! nasty seagull sitting on top of the lamppost...



Monday, January 22, 2007


i'm bored! can't practise the guitar cause dave is listening to jack johnson (i think) and i don't want to spoil it. except now the songs are repeating :-( when is marion coming home so we can watch an episode of bones?! i need to get off the computer before i go shopping again...

ooh, just remembered: haven't done my homework for the alpha follow on tomorrow night yet. i can do that :-) wonder how much it is... i think it's reading John 3 to 5 or 6 or so, except i didn't read 1 and 2 last week... (well, we were meant to do the whole lot last week, but we didn't get any further than the beginning of chapter 3 with the discussion so everyone who hadn't read it got another week to catch up, but of course i haven't...)

oops, dave says we're meant to read up to chapter 10... ah well ;-)


gah, this online shopping is such a bad thing!!!

my guitar teacher told me to get green day's american idiot, so that i can strum along to the song (he's impressed with how well i play it btw). he said i could get it in this shop on park row/lane/street(?) that sells it for £5, but dave suggested i look online to see whether i could get it cheaper...

damn, i think i've just ordered 10 cds... um, oopsy... i shouldn't be allowed to play with the internet and debit cards... i really hope dave isn't here when they arrive ;-) if he is i'm blaming him, it's all his fault!!!

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Sunday, January 21, 2007

oops i did it again!

you'd think i'd learn my lesson. but no, obviously i am less intelligent than a rat!

chris booked the old park hill tavern for jenny's birthday and we played skittles. it was lots of fun. i'd never played it before so my aim was, not to miss the alley and hurt someone with the wooden ball (repeat: i was hoping no one would get hurt). so i was quite surprised when i was suddenly one of the last three left. so i exceeded expectations: no one got hurt (hurray!) and i came third! but then we played it again and i missed completely both times. beginner's luck... (the first time round, of course)

at twelve that place closed so we went to morph's again, which was also good fun. for some reason, around 2am one guy decided he wanted to have a barbeque at his place. so we all went there and he started barbequeing a load of beef in the rain. very random. i did ask why, but i think the answer was something like 'because we can'... odd french person ;-)

i'm not sure what time it was when the others decided it was time to go home. i'd guess somewhere between four and five in the morning. they said one of the guys lived near me, so i went with him. problem: he wanted to walk. so we walked for quite a while, with me assuming he knew where he was going. i didn't have a clue of course. i think they said we started off on gloucester road, but i wouldn't recognize that, i've only ever caught a taxi from there when i accidentally ended up there after wandering around drunk for an hour or two.

eventually our ways parted with alex wandering off one way and me staring blankly the other way. it wasn't his fault, i absolutely insisted i'd find home no problem, not to worry, and 'don't you dare walk me home, i'll be fine!' cause i didn't want him to have to go out of his way (and i did think i would be fine...)

i got sooooo lost! and this time i couldn't find a taxi and i didn't have a phone number for a taxi service. i wandered past the golden hill tesco's (twice, i think), all round horfield, past the memorial stadium, up and down wellington hill, up and down kellaway avenue and loads more...

i tried to get into a house that i thought was ours, it just looked slightly different. thank goodness the key didn't work and i didn't wake anyone!!! i've got a big scratch on my leg from where i took a shortcut across a football field and had to climb through a rather large patch of brambles to get onto it. they tried to stop me but i won! there was a really high fence the other side which i was very tempted to (try to) climb, but luckily there was i tiny bit of common sense that hadn't been drowned by the beer, so i walked along to the gate which was much lower and i was able to vault that. i did fall over trying to get to the gate and got completely covered in mud. my jeans had were covered in a layer of mud almost an inch thick...

at one point i got so tired that i decided i must be home by now and that if i just waited a bit i'd wake up and i'd be home... but again the (admittedly minute amount of) common sense vetoed that and made me carry on walking.

at 7am the alarm on my phone went off while i was wandering through horfield. i think i broke into a run at that point... of course it didn't last. if i wasn't supposed to be somewhere i'd probably have carried on wandering all day, or randomly caught a bus somewhere (at about half past 7 a bus went past me, but there wasn't really time to wait for the next one and hope it went towards westbury). so around 7.45 i gave in and phoned jill, a) to tell her that i probably wouldn't make it to her house by 8.30 and b) to get her to work out where i was and how to get home from there... imagine her surprise 'i don't know where i am, there's this big round thing.' she thought it was a water tower, so i was on the downs 'i'm not on the downs. at least i don't think so. there are houses.' :-S gill looked the place up in the a-z (the thing turned out to be a gas container or something) and told me to walk towards gloucester road (just up the road from where i was) and she'd pick me up as soon as shed' sorted her kids out, tidied the house for the people coming to view it, got dressed... obviously it wasn't a good time for her. luckily her husband had a very clever idea so she phoned me up and gave me the number of a taxi company on gloucester road. i'd meant to ask her for a phone number for a taxi when i phoned, but i completely forgot (was still quite drunk).

so i made it home, came in the door to find tom standing there glaring at me 'where on earth have you been?!' i'd told the kids to come and wake me when they got up so that i wouldn't be late for volleyball, but of course i wasn't there...

i was soooo glad i'd packed my bag before i went out. i was able to just change out of the muddy stuff and scoff some cereal before gill picked me up. we weren't even late: we got there at nine o'clock exactly, and we were the first of our team to turn up!

i was very surprised, i actually played quite well, given that i was drunk and i'd been wandering around bristol for the previous three hours. cause there were only six of us i had to play the whole time. thank goodness the b&d league only plays best of 3 not 5 sets. but we actually managed to win one set and only just lost the third set, i think it was 13-15... so that was really good. it was probably because niall was playing for us. katrin'd twisted her ankle in training on wednesday and on friday night she managed to convince niall to stand in for her. he went home after the skittles though, so he was in a slightly better state than me or hannah who went home after morph's. i should have done that too, i've managed to find my way home from morph's before ;-)

driving back from the match was quite funny cause i kept saying 'ooh, i wandered along this road.' and 'i remember that petrol station/fish'n'chip shop/xxx' and gill and hannah would say 'oh no, what were you doing here, you must have walked along this road'. yep i walked up and down this road, that road and the other road...

the worst thing was walking to the church from gill's house afterwards (i couldn't find my key and marion and dave were there having joshy's birthday party). on the road that church is on, so five minutes from church, 20 minutes from home, i came across a bus stop that looked scarily familiar: i was there! i'd looked at the timetable on the other side of the road and not been able to make sense of it and wandered off in the wrong direction!!! noooooooooo!!!

so quite clearly i must in future remember the one big important rule for vicky's survival: never ever walk home!!! if i add any qualifications to the rule (such as 'alone' or 'when drunk') it won't work, cause i'll just go 'i'm not drunk, it's fine!' or 'i'm only alone for the last bit, i'll manage that'. so from now on it's no more wandering the streets of bristol for me!

dave says from the sounds of it i was never more than half 3 miles or so from home. i just kept going the wrong way... how awful :-\

oh no, i've just remembered: my brand new shoes are covered in mud!!! wahhhh!!!

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Friday, January 19, 2007

party then volleyball? hmm...

tonight's jenny's (volleyball captain) birthday party. we'll be out until goodness knows when having lots and lots of fun (i hope).

this is a good thing (duh!). however, we happen to have two matches tomorrow. warm up starts at 9am... uh-oh...
well i guess since it's only the b&d league it doesn't really matter. it's not like we'd win if we didn't get plastered tonight ;-) it'll be funny to see how the others play with hangovers. or if the party's really good they'll still be drunk :-D

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Thursday, January 18, 2007

personality test

how funny :-)

ColorQuiz.comVicky took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test!

"Has an imperative need for some bond or fusion wit..."

Click here to read the rest of the results.

[edit: marion read this and thought i put it on my blog because it was an accurate description of my personality... umm, not quite ;-) i put it up cause it's funny (i think so anyway) i clicked on a couple of colours, how accurate is it going to be?? (i'm not saying none of it's true ;-) but that's just coincidence...)]

Monday, January 15, 2007

smelly shoes - what to do?

buy new ones of course!

my shoes still smelt when i left work in spite of having been sprayed with air freshener three times. i was going to go home to change them but then i thought this would be the ideal opportunity to buy some black and pink trainers, as i might still find some in the sales. so i went to cribbs on my way to helen's (went to helen's for tea, she lives just up the road from my piano teacher).

i'd almost given up as JD didn't have the shoes i liked in size 8 and the other shop didn't have shoes i liked at all. and of course i was in a hurry, didn't want to be late to helen's or i might have missed tea or been late for my lesson. but then i went into free spirit (or something like that) and they had some nice ones, and a size 8 too. i tried them on and only just took the off when i got home just now. when i was paying the shop girl said if i'd come in 5 minutes earlier they wouldn't have been out yet :-) hurrah for my new shoes :-D

charlie was impressed with my progress, don't think he's used to students who practise like mad. but since i've only got these 10 lessons (8 left now) before i go back to switzerland i've got to make the most of them, so i don't want to spend each lesson going over the same stuff cause i haven't improved...

he's given me two pieces to strum the chords to: father god i wonder (that was the first song out of mission praise i ever played on the piano) and green day's boulevard of broken dreams. fun! and he's also given me a cd full of worship songs complete with chords. hurrah!

good evening. but stuart going splat was still the highlight of my day :-D

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truly crap. had my right leg up on my left knee. my hand brushed the shoe and came away brown. 'mud' thought i and smelt it. 'crap!' hissed i and rushed off to the loo. crap indeed.

must have happened when i was laughing myself silly at stuart walking splat into the door, i.e. all the way back from tesco's

thank goodness i'm wearing waterproof shoes today so i was able to stick it under the tap... sprayed it with air freshener for good measure. hope it doesn't smell this evening. guitar lesson...

lunchtime splat

stuart managed to walk straight into the glass door at tesco's. nearly wet myself laughing! like a bird that can't see the glass. what a superb splat! and the face of the woman standing just inside the door... class :-D

[his explanation]

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

waaaah! i'm ill!

Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Cause:poor dental hygiene
Symptoms:gargling, squawking, necrosis
Cure:take two aspirin a day until it goes away
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:

i wonder what necrosis is...

Monday, January 08, 2007

hurrah! guitar lessons!

just had my first guitar lesson! (christmas present from my parents, mentioned somewhere in a previous post that hasn't been published yet...)

hurray! charlie(the teacher)'s really nice :-) he's impressed with my guitar (hurray, i've got a good guitar!) and he says i'm a natural at the hand movements for strumming. i'm so proud of myself ;-)

he kept apologising for everything being borig basic stuff so far :-) see, i was expecting to start on the lead guitar of 'sweet child o'mine' right away. now i'm just disappointed... :-D

definitely a good way to get me to practise. i've got a bit of homework and then lots of 'if you're racing ahead you can do this as well, and this, and this...' off to get started :-D

Thursday, January 04, 2007

40 minutes worth of bizarre amusingness


Monday, January 01, 2007

first post of 2007

happy new year everyone!!!

fun holidays, i'm soo glad i've got tomorrow off too. don't want to go back to work :-/ ah well, at least there's only three days this week and then it'll be friday and pub time :-D

so glad nobody's asked me about new year's resolutions. can't be bothered to make them. i always break them, so it's just something to beat myself up over. so i'm not making any. :-p

can't face posting about christmas yet. have got pages of notes... ah well.

to everyone who has to go back to work tomorrow: ha ha!
sorry, couldn't resist...